So, let me begin by acknowledging
how long it has been since I posted to this blog. I recognize that six months
have gone by, and to be honest I’ve started writing a few posts, and never felt
like they were things that should actually be finished. That’s the problem with
writing. Sometimes something starts as a seed with so many wonderful
possibilities, but as it grows it becomes something that the writer didn’t
envision, or it doesn’t quite match the image in the writer’s mind. So much of
this blog has been me passionately sharing my adventures and ideas about experiencing
these adventures. Sometimes I find it hard to match my experiential definition
of adventure with that of which I am currently living. Don’t get me wrong, this
is an adventure.
Well, I spent
this last weekend down at my dad’s property, and for the first time in a long
time, I felt much more like myself than I remembered feeling for a while. I
woke up eager to do some manual labor, nail stays on the fence that I was a
part of building seemingly forever ago. Throughout the last three years, I’ve
commonly had to drag myself out of bed to face this kind of task, but it finally
felt normal again, and for that I am immensely grateful. Although I wouldn’t
say I’ve experienced much of the things people say returned Peace Corps
Volunteers experience when they return to this world (freaking out in grocery
stores, snapping at loved ones because they don’t want to hear about your
experience, frustrated at the consumerism of this country, annoyed at the pettiness
of American’s problems – admittedly I’ve found that last one to be quite
comical rather than frustrating). I feel as if I adjusted pretty well, picking
up where I left off is what it seemed like.
Yet also over
the last six months, I’ve spent a good deal of time feeling pretty crappy about
myself and things that I was doing. Case in point: the holidays were exhausting
and drug on forever. I can say that I contributed to other people’s unhappiness
during that time. And these are people I care about and hold very dear, but I
said or did some things that aren’t like me at all, and were not thought
through, and were ultimately very hurtful. I don’t need to rehash all of these
things again, but I would like to apologize again for these things, because hurting
people I love is never my intention nor is it something I want to be a part of
who I am. So, I’ve been trying to get back to being a person that I like that I
feel is a positive person for people to have in their lives, and although I
ultimately feel that way about myself, I do know that I have some work to do.
The holidays
were filled with family. My mom came down from Alaska, and my brother, K, and
Gracie all came and spent five days with me. I loved having them and being back
around family, although it did feel weird after Christmases in Africa. I got to
see my cousin Jax and all of the extended Foster clan, which I always enjoy,
and I got to see my dad in and out throughout the holiday season. New years was
actually really good this year. It wasn’t the beach in Zanzibar, but it was
filled with friends and family, and some really good food courtesy of my dad.
As many of you know New Years is just simply my least favorite holiday and will
probably always be so. I was pretty apprehensive this year to be spending it in
Bend, with many of my girlfriends who I actually spent New Years so many years
ago with. There were some wounds threatening to surface, but all in all it was
a wonderful night. We were walking down the empty streets of downtown when the
countdown happened, and it just felt like a good way to celebrate. No
countdown, no wasted shenanigans, no big show, just a group of amazing ladies
to hug in the middle of the streets at midnight. It was a great night, yet I
still hate new years.
So, anyways, I’ve
thought a lot about content for this posting. I could talk about Zambia, which
was amazing. I was kind of in a crabby mood for parts of it, because I was
about to come home for the first time in two and a half years, but my friend
Kate was a wonderful trooper. We traveled down to the Victoria Falls, which is
amazing…. Absolutely beautiful! We did a walking safari where we got within 30
yards of a mother rhino and her baby, and we did a lovely booze cruise on the
Zambezi river at sunset where I finally got to see my hippos! They’re so cool!
Zambia was wonderful, and someday I might flashback and share more about it
with you…
I got back to
the states on June 30th. My best friend Katie picked me up from the
airport, and it felt like we picked up exactly where we’d left off. I was
hosted by Ry and K on the fourth of July, but didn’t make it to the fireworks.
The jet lag had full blown caught up with me at that point. Then there was a
family rafting trip on my all time favorite river. Several years ago, I mean A
LOT of years ago; I wrote a piece at a place called Fishtrap, a writer’s
workshop in northeastern Oregon. This piece is entitled “I’m Home” and it is
entirely about the Grand Ronde river and what it’s like to have a set of oars
in my hands and floating down this river that has felt more like a home to me
than many of the places I’ve lived in. Moving around my fair share as a
youngster, I had my battle with trying to find my place, that sense of
belonging that is seemingly supposed to accompany the nuclear family style
dream of a home. It dawned on me one day, that my home was not where my house
was, but rather it is there in the Grand Ronde valley.
I’ve come to
discover as I’ve gotten older, up into my wise years of early adulthood, that I
actually belong in many different places. I have many homes. There are many
places that spark this feeling in my heart that I equate to feeling at home. A
family friend once used the phrase, “citizen of the world” while talking to me,
and this phrase has stuck with me consistently over time, and although I can’t
speak to their definition, I’ve come to love defining that phrase for myself
and experiencing the adventure that comes with my own personal definition of
this. That being said, one of my homes, and probably my oldest home, will
always be the Grand Ronde river, so what a place for me to return to when I am
fresh off the plane, and really have the opportunity to be at home. It was
Gracie and Kaleigh’s first rafting trips and I also took my friend Katie. I can’t
honestly do justice with words explaining how great it felt to be there in my
raft, oars in hand, reading my favorite river.
I spent a great
deal of time immersed in the stress of job hunting, qualifying my skill set, my
ideals, and my passions and figuring out if there was even a possibility of
merging them into this shape that made sense to me and was actually possible.
The first job to call me back is the job I now have, and I’m very happy doing
this, direct service, working with teenagers, and helping people make better
decisions for themselves. I’m very happy with it, for now. Unfortunately this
tension and interviewing and job hunting, overshadowed a few pieces of my trip
to Alaska, but it was still a wonderful trip just the same. I met my mom in
Anchorage in the “slug mobile” as she calls her gynormous diesel pick-up truck
and slide in camper. We road tripped around Alaska, went to Denali, and
Wrangell-St. Elias and hung out in her spacious traveling home.
I never actually
saw Denali, but in my mind I got to see something better. Don’t get me wrong, I
love mountains, but I think and I hope that someday I will get to see Denali
the mountain. We were on the bus back to our camp ground and we stopped to see
a beautiful bear on the hillside across from us. My mom said she thought she
saw something white further up and I saw this beautiful wolf slide into the
brush. No one but my mom and I saw it, and I was feeling like one of those
tourists cry wolf when looking at a coyote or something. The bear started
walking up the hillside towards the brush, and he too disappeared into it.
Shortly thereafter the wolf came running out with a caribou leg, and the bear
was following close behind. The wolf dropped the leg and the bear plopped down
on top of it, reclaiming his territory. It was so amazing to see them
interacting with each other, and to see a wolf! How cool!
Years and years
ago my brother and I learned what our totem animals were, me being the wolf and
him being the bear. I think both of us have always been drawn to our individual
animal representations over the years as well. That being said, I thought there
was something familiar in the way the bear, we’ll call him Ryan, was chasing
the wolf and stealing back the meat, then plopping down on top of it to keep
the wolf from getting it. That’s not to say the bear (or Ryan) is selfish
whatsoever, but it did seem like something we’d do to each other simply to
remind the other that we’re not done playing our good-humored sibling rivalry
game. It was an incredible sight and my mind was blown. Seeing a wolf…
Oh and I got to see a lot of
glaciers in Alaska, and I love glaciers. They’re so cool. Ok I’m beginning to
get a little nerdy on here, but glaciers are amazing, living things. I know
that sounds weird for those that have never been up close to a glacier but they
breathe and move, and change and are just amazing. So I got to spend a lot of
time with glaciers, and even hiked across one in Wrangell-St. Elias, with my
mom. Glaciers are so cool! Anyways, I started work shortly after I returned
from Alaska, and have been on this adventure ever since.
I continue to learn about myself,
constantly and incessantly, although this is what I hope for in my life. I want
to constantly be growing and becoming a better version of who I am. I need this
piece to fill some of the holes that I had and I’m glad that I have the
opportunity to have this experience in a long line of experiences that I have had
and will have. I’m not sure how to conclude an inadequate summary of the last
six months of my life. It has been wonderful and it has been a struggle, and it
has been filled with laughter and happiness. I assume that is much how most of
my life will go, and I am absolutely ok with that, and feel immensely lucky
because of that. And each of you are a part of that, so I cannot thank you
enough. You’ve helped make my life something that I am very happy with… I only
hope in some way I am doing the same for you…
And now….. pictures….
1. The Victoria
Falls. 2. The bridge on the Zambian side and the mist from the falls. 3. Kate and
I hiking down to the Zambezi river below the falls. 4. The falls yet again 5.
The rhino mother and her baby. 6. Hippos swimming in the Zambezi above the
falls 7. Sunset on the booze cruise. 8. My dad and Gracie sitting by the Grand
Ronde, reminiscent of my childhood doing the same thing with my dad. 9. My raft
(previously my mother’s raft) tied up at Malibu 10. My niece beating me up on
the river! 11. Katie at the oars 12. Katie and I hanging out at Malibu 13.The
Grand Ronde 14.The Wallowas in NE Oregon 15.-18. Denali National Park 19.
Driving down to Valdez 20.-21. Glaciers are SO COOL! 22. Kennecott Mine in
Wrangell-St. Elias National park, the biggest national park in the United
States 23.-24. Wrangell-St. Elias National Park 25. Katie, Carina, Myself and
Megan toasting to and celebrating Lindsey 26. Christmastime! 27. Mom, Gracie and
I out on the beach 28.New Years: Gracie, Meagan, Me, Kelsey, Katie, Annette and
Emily 29.-30. Megan and Katie and I celebrating Katie’s bon voyage to Ireland
31.-35. The property 36. Driving back through NE Oregon…
Enough pictures
for you folks?
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